Monday, November 5, 2007

5 Stupid Things You Said to Her

Dating AdviceIt doesn’t matter how old you are, you’ve most likely said something really stupid to a woman with or without meaning to at one point or another in your life. While you can’t necessarily be blamed for being a moron, you can be held accountable for hurting her feelings and being insensitive – even if you didn’t mean to be.

It’s no secret that men and women are entirely different creatures. While you may laugh off and quickly forget about a comment, she will stress about it for days, weeks, and months after you said it by fully dissecting the tone you used, the facial expressions you made, and everything else you’ve ever said that relates to it. In short, what you say to her now can and will come back to haunt you for years to come.

So shut your big mouth for two minutes to learn why women think the way that they do and what you should be doing to make life better for both of you.

Stupid thing you said to her #5:

“I don’t like that outfit” or “You aren’t going to wear that, are you?”

We know, we know; she says it to you all the time. But women are wired much differently than men. You spend thirty seconds looking for something to wear because your only real concern is that it’s clean (sometimes optional) and that it matches (almost always optional).

But she spends hours agonizing over each and every piece and accessory. She agonizes over whether the blue top accentuates her features better than the red top. And you don’t even want to know what goes on in her mind concerning her makeup and hair.

What you should have done instead #5:

Remember that the planning that went into her outfit for that occasion probably rivals the amount of effort you put into picking out your car’s stereo. If anyone questioned your decision, you’d defend it by offering exactly what features and options made that stereo the best choice.

Since she already knows that you’re a moron about women’s clothes and would never understand the reasoning behind her decision, there’s no point in defending her decision to you. It’s just outright infuriating.

If she does wear something that you absolutely hate, then you can tactfully say something about it after the fact. Tell her how much you love to see her in another kind of outfit. The positive reinforcement will net you so much more than negativity any day.

Stupid thing you said to her #4:

“She’s sexy” or “Let’s have a threesome!”

While you may not associate these two statements as being on the same tier of stupidity, when she hears them both as, “You’re not enough for me.” All you have to do in order to figure out how she may feel is to imagine her saying either one back at you. Now multiply your distaste for that times 100 and you may be getting close to how much she dislikes you at that point in time.

What you should have done instead #4:

It may seem like a chore to you sometimes, but it always pays of big in the end when you constantly assure her that she’s beautiful, sexy, smart, etc. and that she’s the only girl for you. Even when she tells you that she wants your honest opinion on how hot her friend is or how sexy you think that actress is, always play the other lady down and her up. (“She’s pretty but she doesn’t have your eyes!”) This way you can be honest and still ensure she’s happy.

Just don’t go overboard and say…

Stupid thing you said to her #3:

“I don’t deserve you.” or “You deserve better than me.”

No matter how true it may be, by telling her that she is out of your league only reinforces what she already knows about you – that’s she’s out of your league. Trust us; she already knows that she can have a far better guy than you. But apparently she sees something in you that overrides all of the bad baggage you carry. It may be your humor, your charm, or something else that almost no one else would care enough about to put up with you for.

What you should have done instead #3:

Whatever you do, don’t ever ask her what it is that keeps her with your sorry self. Making her think too much about why she’s with you will only give her an opportunity to find reasons to dump you. Women need a confident man to reassure their own insecurities, not a sniveling baby that needs their constant reassurance. Which are you?

Stupid thing you said to her #2:

“Are you on the rag?” or “Are you acting like this because of PMS?”

So she’s all flustered and pissed off about something that, in your eyes, is really no big deal. But apparently it is to her. So when she keeps ranting for what seems like hours and it’s driving you up the wall, you break out with this smooth line.

And the look you get as soon as it comes out of your mouth makes you instantly regret it. Good. Now, maybe you’ll think first. Her previous rant that could have easily been contained has now exploded into a full-blown tantrum.

What you should have done instead #2:

How about shut the hell up, for starters? Sometimes women just want to vent and have someone listen. Think about the last time you were so pissed off that you just wanted to punch something to feel better. Yeah, it’s kind of like that.

As frustrating as it may be to do sometimes, your best bet is to ask her exactly what the problem is and then (this may be incredibly difficult) shut up and listen. If it’s something you did that upset her, wait until she’s done, acknowledge your mistake, and calmly offer your plan to fix things. If she’s all bent out of shape over something else (a bitchy co-worker, her stupid best friend, she misses ‘Friends’) then all you have to do is listen without making any attempt to offer a solution and console her.

Stupid thing you said to her #1:

“Did you cum?” or “Was it good for you?”

What kind of a stupid asshole are you? If actions speak louder than words then they sure as hell scream furiously over stupid questions like that. Instead of pestering her with lame questions how about spending some time actually learning how to turn her on and do the deed so you don’t have to ask?

What you should have done instead #1:

There are different kinds of sex for different occasions. Learn what they are, the differences between them, and how to blow her mind no matter which one is appropriate at the time.

But you won’t actually go out and do that so we’ve taken the time to list a few pointers below:

First, there’s the sweet, romance-movie/Valentine’s Day sex where you need to be gentle and mushy. This is where you use a ton of foreplay, looking directly in her eyes, and whispering “sweet nothings” in her ear. Tell her she’s beautiful and make her feel like a goddess wrapped in your arms. And for God’s sake, don’t jackhammer when it comes to actually doing the deed.

Second, there’s the casual sex that happens after you both have gone out for a date, or maybe when you both decided to stay in for the night watching movies. Basically, it’s anything that falls in between “sweet sex” and “hardcore, porno-like” sex. Foreplay is required here, but you don’t have to make a huge deal out of it. Just remember to fondle above the clothes for at least a few minutes before you dive for the goods. Jackhammer sparingly and only when appropriate.

Finally, there’s the hardcore, porno-like sex. Whether it’s a quickie on your lunch break or sex after a fight, this sex involves dirty talk and the removal of all clothing is optional. Jackhammering here is pretty much par for the course.

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